Subject: [issue73] Protocol draft - editorial nits up to section 6.8

From: Ellen M Deleganes <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:11:49 +0000

New submission from Ellen M Deleganes <[email-masked]>:

General comment - running a spell checker would be helpful, it would probably 
catch most of the misspelled words found throughout the document. Also, there 
are a lot of places where articles (the, a, an) are missing, particularly 
before FE and CE (too many to list) that would make the text flow better - but 
this is really a nit.

2. Definitions
Post-Association Phase -  /FE does know/ --> /FE knows/

3.1.1 /LFB'ss/ --> /LFB's/
3.2 /looses/ --> /loses/
3.3.1.1.1.  /maybe/ --> /may be/
3.3.1.1.2.  /maybe/ --> /may be/ and /dissallowed/ -->/disallowed/
3.3.1.1.5. /In which several/ --> /Several/
3.3.1.1.6. /In which all/ --> /All/
3.3.1.1.7. /the first one are/ --> /the first one is/
3.3.2. /Heartbeating/ --> /Heartbeat/
4. (item 8) /the TML only support/ --> /the TML only supports/
5.1. (item c, 2nd bullet) /donot/ --> /do not/
5.1. (Correlator) /ForCES Requests/ --> /Forces Request messages/
      /Fe/ --> /FE/
5.1. (Flags) /inidcate/ --> /indicate/
6.2.1 /gramar/ --> /grammar/
6.1.1.1. /a substantial amount of/ --> /a substantial number of/
6.1.1.1.1. (4th bullet) /refered/ --> /referred/ (should probably spell out 
OTOH)
6.1.1.1.6. Is Idefined correct? /can not/ --> /cannot/
6.1.1.1.8. /alignement/ --> /alignment/
   /layout/ --> /lay out/
   /element ordered in the order/ --> /element in the order/
   /In the case of a SPARSEDATA we dont need to order/ --> /SPARSEDATA does 
not need to be ordered/
   /For a GET responses/ --> /For a GET response/
   /deleteing/ --> /deleting/
6.1.1.1.9. /definitions as that was/ --> /definitions as/
   /possible that one would/ --> /possible to/
   /the GET-RESPONSE, merely editing the T to be set will endup overwritting/ 
   --> /the GET-RESPONSE that merely edits the T to be set will end up 
overwriting/

6.2.1 /used for the operation/ --> /used for correct operation/
   (FE heartbeat policy) /define the operating/ --> /defines the operating/
                         /liveliness/ --> /liveness/
   (FE restart policy) /pre-association phase definitely/ remove "definitely"
            /FE itself decides/ --> /FE decides/
            /FE still keeps enough infomation of/ -->
                /FE is able to keep enough information from the/
            /post-associatin/ --> /post-association/
   (CE failover policy) /This basically makes the FE/ -->
            /This basically requires the FE/
   (CE timeout interval) /message body optionally consist/ -->
            /message body optionally consists/
     The statement that starts: "There is only one FE object LFB..." is 
inconsistent with previous text and redundant. This text could be removed 
without losing any information. Other sections led me to believe the instance 
ID must be set to 0x1 for the FE object and FE protocol LFBs.
            /notificationis/ --> /notification is/
6.4.2 (Message Header) /more response/ --> /more responses/
            /header MUST keep/ --> /header MUST be/
            /association setup message to be responded/ -->
              /corresponding association setup message/
      (Message body) /follows: is:/ --> /follows:/
6.4.3 (Message Header)
      "correlator field in the header is also ignored owing to no further 
response requested" (even though the correlator field is ignored by the 
message recipient, in most protocol specs, it is usually a requirement that 
the sender set such fields to zero and the field MUST be ignored by the 
receiver)
e.g. "the ACK flag and Correlator MUST be ignored by the message recipient".

6.5.1 (Message Header) /inidcate/ --> /indicate/
   /or to indicate in which case/ --> /or to indicate under which conditions/
6.5.2 (Message body) /TThe/ --> /The/
6.6.1    /As usual, a query/ --> /A query/
6.6.2 (Message Header) /MUST keep/ --> /MUST be/
        /query message to be responded/ --> /associated query message/
6.7. /All events happen in FE are subscribable by CE/ -->
     /All events that can happen in an FE are subscribable by the CE/
   (Message Header) /MUST be ignored/ --> /MUST be ignored by the CE/
(Same comment as in the previous section, the CE MUST also ignore the 
correlator field in this case)

6.8 /usually happen/ --> /usually happens/
    /CE and are decided by CE/ --> /CE that the CE decides/
    /making the redirect path been congested/ -->
      /resulting in the redirect path becoming congested/
 (Message Body) /describes the packet/ --> /describes packet redirection/

----------
category: Editorial
draft: draft-ietf-forces-protocol
messages: 374
nosy: ellen
priority: May fix
status: No discussion
title: Protocol draft - editorial nits up to section 6.8

___________________________________________________
Forces issue tracker <[email-masked]>
<http://www.mip4.org/issues/tracker/forces/issue73>
___________________________________________________