Subject: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12

From: Peter Yee <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 04 May 2017 20:34:12 -0700

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

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Document: draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2017-05-04
IETF LC End Date: 2017-05-04
IESG Telechat date: 2017-05-11

Summary: This Experimental draft is ready with nits.  The draft
specifies an interoperable, multipath extension to OLSRv2.  Other than
the nits, I find the draft to be a fine experiment to help determine
how well OLSRv2 can be improved by allowing multiple, disjoint paths
between nodes.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments: 

General:

I'd suggesting changing occurrences of "multi-path" to "multipath" for
consistency with prior works, including the primary work by the same
authors [ADHOC11].

Consider changing "Multi-path Dijkstra Algorithm" to "multipath
Dijkstra's algorithm".  In any case, use the name consistently - it
varies throughout the document.

Change "Round-Robin" (and variations in capitalization) to
"round-robin" throughout the document.

Stick to one capitalization form for "MP-OLSRv2 Routing Process".

Section 10 was not reviewed because it contains RFC Editor
instructions to delete it.

Specific:

Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after
"reliability".

Page 3, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the leading
"The".  Insert "the "before "Multi-path Dijkstra".  [See general
comment about hyphenating multi-path].

Page, section 1.1, 4th bullet item: delete the second "the".

Page 4, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Standard" to
"Standards".  Delete comma after "Track".

Page 4, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change "setting" to "applying".
 (This is an aesthetics comment - take it or leave it.)

Page 4, 4th bullet item, 3rd sentence: expand acronym "MPR" on first
usage and in general do so for all acronyms that would not be
immediately obvious to a large audience.

Page 4, 5th bullet item, 4th sentence: delete "the" before "loose".

Page 4, 6th bullet, 3rd sentence: append "parts" after "following".

Page 6, section 3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete both commas.

Page 6, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "the" before
"information".  Insert "a" before "DiffServ".  Change "Code Point" to
codepoint.  [RFC 2474 only refers to these a "Code Point" in specific
names, but otherwise uses the generic form "codepoint".

Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "a" before
"new".

Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before
"loose".

Page 7, section 4, 3rd bullet item: insert "the" before "shortest".

Page 8, partial paragraph at top: change "as" to "using the".

Page 8, section 5.1, SR_TC_INTERVAL definition: change "a" to "an".

Page 8, section 5.1, SR_HOLD_TIME_MULTIPLIER definition:  change
"minimal" to "minimum".  Change "a" to "an" unless that acronym is
spoken like a word and not spelled out.

Page 8, section 6, 2nd sentence: delete comma after "datagram".

Page 9, section 6.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MP-OLSRv2".  

Page 9, section 6.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change
"signalling" to "signaling".  [Other words in the document tend to
suggest that the American spellings are being used rather than British
forms.]

Page 9, section 6.2.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "loose".

Page 10, section 7.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the comma. 
Insert "the" before each of "MP-OLSRv2" and "OLSRv2".

Page 11, section 8, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "topology".

Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change "between" to "from the".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before
"SR_TC_INTERVAL".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete "The".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 5th sentence: insert "the" before
"SOURCE_ROUTE TLV".

Page 12, section 8.3, 1st bullet item: change "possiblity" to
"possibility".

Page 12, section 8.3, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: perhaps change
"Or else" to "Otherwise".

Page 12, section 8.4, 1st paragraph: insert "a" before "DiffServ". 
Change "Code Point" to "codepoint".

Page 13, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2".

Page 13, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "format".

Page 13, the paragraph: insert "the" before "following".

Page 13, last paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "outer" and
"source".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 1st paragraph after the 1st set of bullet
items: insert "the" before "SR-OLSRv2".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet
items, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet
items, 4th sentence: change "much" to "many".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 3rd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet
items: shouldn't this be up to "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" rather than always
"NUMBER_OF_PATHS" paths that are created?  Meaning that it's possible
the algorithm will not have sufficient disjoint paths to choose from
in some (probably degenerate) cases?  Delete the second comma in the
sentence.

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 1st
sentence: change "A" to "An".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 2nd
sentence: insert "the" before "Multi-path".

Page 14, section 8.5.2, 1st sentence: insert "the" before
"Multi-path".

Page 15, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: change the second
occurrence of "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's".

Page 15, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "is" to "does".

Page 15, 1st paragraph after bullet items, 3rd sentence: change
"vetex" to "vertex".

Page 15, 1st paragraph after figure, 2nd sentence: change "of" to
"for".

Page 16, 1st sentence: change "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's".

Page 16, 1st paragraph after numbered list: insert "the" before
"Multi-path".

Page 16, section 8.6, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "whether"
before "the set".

Page 16, section 9, 1st sentence: change "guideline" to "guidelines".

Page 16, section 9, 2nd sentence: delete the comma after "certain".

Page 17, "if id<fe<fp" bullet item: would it make more sense to use "a
greater" instead of "more"?

Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "Process" to
"Processes".

Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "be".

Page 19, section 11, 3rd paragraph: append "with" after "As".

Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "The" before
"MP-OLSRv2".

Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before
"source".

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: should "ancient" be "the
oldest"?

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: delete comma after "that". 
Insert "a" before "large".  Maybe change "initiates" to "sends". 
Delete the comma after "which".

Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 1st sentence:  insert "the"
before "name".  Change "name" to "names".

Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 2nd sentence: change
"parenthesis" to "parentheses".

Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 2, 3rd sentence: while I
understand "punishment", that term hasn't been used previously and
might be confusing.  A variant occurs elsewhere in the document. 
Consider explaining what you mean by punishment.

Page 24, 2nd paragraph after Figure 3, 1st sentence: change "path" to
"paths".  Append "in order" after "paths".

Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 3, 2nd sentence: change
"undesired" to "undesirable".

---

From: Jiazi Yi <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 10 May 2017 00:56:00 +0200

Dear Peter, 

Thanks very much for the detailed comments. 
We have updated the draft and will make a new submission soon. 

cheers

Jiazi

> On 5 May 2017, at 05:34, Peter Yee <[email-masked]> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
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