Subject: [Ipoverib] "easy" comments on draft-ietf-ipoib-subnet-mgmt-agent-mib-05.txt

From: "Randy Presuhn" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 23:47:11 -0700

Hi -

Here are my "easy" comments on sections other than 4 and 5 of
draft-ietf-ipoib-subnet-mgmt-agent-mib-05.txt.
They and the compilation errors mentioned in a previous message
are serious enough to require another iteration on this document.

Global: needs to consistently use two spaces after period at the
end of a sentence.

Global: spelling: fix "Mangagement" -> "Management"
"Acknowledgements" -> "Acknowledgments"
"Vol" -> "Vol." (or Volume)
"Indentifiers" -> "Identifiers"
"identifing" -> "identifying"
"assoicated" -> "associated"
"implementationdependent" -> "implementation dependent"
"Disabeld" -> "Disabled"
"intialization" -> "initialization"
"encounterd" -> "encountered"
"trasnmitted" -> "transmitted"
"wihout" -> "without"
"Exccessive" -> "Excessive"
"Kasenholz" -> "Kastenholz"
RECOMMEND doing a spelling check to find any others.

Abberviations should be expanded on first use.  Examples:
EUI, SLToVL, LED, HCA, TCA, GRH, FSM, NVRAM, NMS, etc.  Whole document
needs to be checked in this regard.

Typos: "contains contains" -> "contains"
"as as" -> "as"
"limitedi(2)" -> "limited(2)"
"Architecture[IBTAArch]" -> "Architecture [IBTAArch]"
"node--switch" -> "node -- switch"
"router--" -> "router --"

Page 1:
old:
   working documents as Internet- Drafts.
new:
   working documents as Internet-Drafts.

Table of contents (and document itself):
sections should be in order prescribed by
draft-rfc-editor-rfc2223bis-07.txt page 22:
old:
   7. Security Considerations .....................................   73
   8. Acknowledgements ............................................   73
   9. Full Copyright Statement ....................................   73
   10. Intellectual Property Notice ...............................   74
   11. Authors' Addresses .........................................   74
   12. Normative References .......................................   75
   13. Informative References .....................................   75
new:
  acknowledgments
  security considerations
  references
    normative
    informative
  authors' addresses
  full copyright statement
(I still don't have definitive word on where IPR goes, but the
folks who should know say they'll take care of putting it in
the right place.  :-)

Section 1: the term "subnet" is used in a sense here which is
quite different from how it has historically been used in the IP
world.  Though section 2 refers the reader elsewhere, it may
make sense to explain here just what is meant by subnet.

Section 2: refers to RFC 2119, which is missing from the normative
references section.

Section 6: (I ignored this section)

Section 7:
   MUST be replaced with one based on the current security boilerplate.
   Note that this will require some analysis of the MIB objects.
   Since this MIB module also defines some notification types,
   some thought should go into the consequences of possible attacks
   on notification streams, either by intercepting or by forging
   notifications.  (For example, could an attacker cause something
   bad to happen by sending a bogus ibSmaPortLinkStateChange to
   a manager?  Can a DoS attack be mounted on the management
   infrastructure by attacking the infiniband so as to cause the
   generation of an excessive number of notifications?)

Section 8:
old:
   Merritt who authored the VIA MIB which this document [-00] was based.
new:
   Merritt who authored the VIA MIB on which this document was initially
   based.

Section 11: Swortwood lacks contact information.

Align format of references with that used in RFC 2223bis, e.g.:
old:
   [RFC2863] McCloghrie, K., and Kasenholz F.,
new:
   [RFC2863] McCloghrie, K. and F. Kastenholz,

Randy

_______________________________________________
IPoverIB mailing list
[email-masked]
https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ipoverib