Subject: comments on submission-rights-02

From: Pekka Savola <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2003 22:52:56 +0200 (EET)

Hi,

A few comments on the latest submission rights doc:

Substantial:

2.2  Confidentiality Obligations

   No contribution that is subject to any requirement of confidentiality
   or any restriction on its dissemination may be considered in any part
   of the Internet Standards Process,

==> Is the use of "Internet Standards Process" deliberate?  I.e. are you 
able to make contributions to informational/experimental/historic RFC's, 
for example? (note that I didn't find a good definition of the area of 
applicability of the InStPr in RFC2026).

==> note that sect 4.2 defines "IETF Standards Process" differently.

Semi/Editorial:

   author produces a work within the scope of his or her employment,
   most of those rights are usually  assigned (The Berne convention says
   some rights are "inalienable") to the employer.

==> should this be "(the rights not assigned are called "inalienable" by 
the Berne convention)" -- does this make it any clearer?

   is currently doing.

   Sections 2 and 3 of this document address the rights in submissions

==> kill the extra empty line.

   Section 5, 6 and 7 then explain the rationale for these provisions,

==> s/Section/Sections/

      contribution, grant an perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive,

==> s/an/a/

   c.  Every copy of a IETF document made pursuant to the licenses

==> s/a /an /

   c. There are no limits to the contributor's ability to make the
      grants acknowledgments and agreements herein that are personally

==> s/grants/grants,/

   way as is done for other intellectual property claims. (see [IETF
   IPR] sec 6)

==> s/. ([...])/([...]).

These are typically published as Informational
   RFCs, and does not require change control being ceded to the IETF.

==> s/does/do/

   The third statement is used when the documents purpose is to provide

==> s/documents/document's/

10. Editor's Address

==> there are no "acknowledgements" or "contributors" section, so what use 
saying editor instead of author?

misc:

2.4  Representations and Warranties.  With respect to each contribution,
   each contributor represents that to the best of his or her knowledge

3.  Copyright notice required in IETF Documents

3.1.1 Notice for documents where the right to produce derivative works
   has not been withheld. (See sec 5.3 for a discussion on derivative

==> (sub)section titles are in some places missing, or not in the 
words-start-with-upper-caps English.

-- 
Pekka Savola                 "You each name yourselves king, yet the
Netcore Oy                    kingdom bleeds."
Systems. Networks. Security. -- George R.R. Martin: A Clash of Kings

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