Subject: [Sipping] Comments on draft-allen-sipping-poc-p-answer-state-header-02.txt

From: Gonzalo Camarillo <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 03 Apr 2006 15:27:10 +0300

Hi,

I will be performing the expert review of the draft below on behalf of
the SIPPING WG:
http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-allen-sipping-poc-p-answer-state-header-02.txt

Before I write my expert review, I would like to request a few changes
(most of them are nits) to the authors of the draft. As soon as revision
03 is published addressing my comments, I will write the review and the
draft will progress as an AD-sponsored informational submission.

Fix the following in the Abstract:

...Open Mobile Alliance (OMA),For Push...
                             ^^^

The reference to RFC 2119 is usually included in the Terminology
section, but you have included it right after the Abstract. Could you
please move that text to the Terminology section?

First sentence of "Overal Applicability" section: remove comma after
"topology".

Expand all acronyms the first time they are used. In particular, you
need to expand UA, UAS, PTT...

Last paragraph of page 6: missing quotation mark.

Missing space between first and second sentence of page 11.

Section 6.4.2: you write "Invite" instead of "INVITE" in a couple of places.

Section 6.4.2: you use the following construction at least three times:
"A PTT Server that acts as a back-to-back UA that's UAS receives..."
It is not clear what you mean with that. Do you mean that the UAS part
of the B2BUA receives the message? It would be good to rephrase so that
the sentence is clearer.

Section 7.1: the parameter should be defined as part of the header, not
as part of the "answer-type" definition:

OLD:

      P-Answer-State = "P-Answer-State" HCOLON answer-type
       answer-type = "Confirmed" / "Unconfirmed" / token *(SEMI generic-
       param)

NEW:
      P-Answer-State = "P-Answer-State" HCOLON answer-type
                       *(SEMI generic-param)
      answer-type = "Confirmed" / "Unconfirmed" / token

Section 8.1: in the figure you name the messages (1), (2), etc..., but
in the text you call them F1, F2, etc...

In several messages (e.g., F3 and F4) a header field spans multiple
lines. You should add spaces at the beginning of the second line so that
  SIP parsers understand that they are a single header field:

OLD:
Via: SIP/2.0/UDP
AlicesConferenceFocus.example.org;branch=z9hG4bK4721d8

NEW
Via: SIP/2.0/UDP
      AlicesConferenceFocus.example.org;branch=z9hG4bK4721d8

Section 9: add a reference to TLS at the end of the section when you 
mention TLS.

Section 10.2: remove this section. Note that you are not defining any 
header field parameter. What you are defining is a header field and its 
*values*. Don't confuse the values a header field can take with the 
parameters a header field can carry.

Thanks,

Gonzalo

_______________________________________________
Sipping mailing list  https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/sipping
This list is for NEW development of the application of SIP
Use [email-masked] for questions on current sip
Use [email-masked] for new developments of core SIP