Subject: [alto] Review of draft-ietf-alto-xdom-disc and supporting WGLC.

From: Qiao Xiang <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 19 Jul 2017 20:06:54 +0800

Dear Sebastian, Martin and WG members,

I reviewed the draft-ietf-alto-xdom-disc document. Overall the document is
well written. It provides a smart solution to address Req. AR-33 in
RFC6708. The idea to use reverse DNS lookup for cross-domain server
discovery is elegant. I add some editorial comments for this document in
the following. Other than these, it is my opinion that this document should
be last called.

===Comments===
Section 3
Page 12, I might be extra picky here, but the title of this section is
formatted as:
"Using the ALTO Protocol with  ALTO Cross-Domain Server Discovery",
while it should be formatted as:
"Using the ALTO Protocol with ALTO Cross-Domain Server Discovery".
with an extra space after "with" deleted.

Section 3.1
Page 13, line 1: "in the subsection below." Based on the context, this
subsection refers to Section 3.4. It should be stated explicitly.

Section 3.4
Page 14, case 4:
"...the ALTO client should split the list of source addresses, and perform
separately for each source address the same steps as in case 1, as
specified above.  As an alternative, the ALTO client could also split the
list of destination addresses,..."

the expression should be consistent with case 3. I suggest it is changed to:

"...the ALTO client may split the list of source addresses, and perform
separately for each source address the same steps as in case 1, as
specified above.  As an alternative, the ALTO client may also split the
list of destination addresses,..."

Appendix A
Page 24, para 1: "A solution for the problem described in the previous
section". Which section is referred to should be explicitly stated.

Appendix B
Page 29, all the "m"s in the equation computing P(X=k) should be "M"

Best
Qiao
-- 
Qiao Xiang
Postdoctoral Fellow,
Department of Computer Science,
Yale University

---

From: Sebastian Kiesel <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2017 14:40:53 +0200

Dear Qiao,

thank you for the review.  We will post a new version of the draft
soon, which will reflect your comments.  For details see below.

Thanks again,
Sebastian

> with an extra space after "with" deleted.

Trailing space before a line break in the XML source...  Thanks for being
picky - we want to produce high-quality documents, both wrt. content
and formatting.

> subsection refers to Section 3.4. It should be stated explicitly.

We have changed it.

> list of destination addresses,..."

we have changed "should" + "could"  to  "should" + "may".

We think it is better to indicate a preference for one of these options,
therefore the "should". Note that we are using lowercase should and may,
not the RFC2119 ones, as this is not an issue of interoperability.

> section". Which section is referred to should be explicitly stated.

This is a remains from moving that section from the main part to the
appendix. We have reworded it:

This appendix itemizes requirements that have been collected before the
design phase and that are reflected by the design of the ALTO
Cross-Domain Server Discovery Procedure.

> Page 29, all the "m"s in the equation computing P(X=k) should be "M"

You are right. We have fixed that.

Thanks again,
Sebastian