Subject: [dns-privacy] draft-ietf-dprive-dtls-and-tls-profiles: configuration

From: "Paul Hoffman" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2016 16:26:03 -0700

Greetings. Someone reading this document for the first time might not 
understand where the DNS name that is being discussed in the main body 
of the document was found. It is not until Section 8 ("Out of Band 
Sources of Domain Name") that this is mentioned, and that feels much too 
late.

The document might be much more approachable if Section 8 was moved to 
immediately after Section 3, and if it was re-titled "Configuration of 
the Domain Name for Verification".

--Paul Hoffman

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From: Sara Dickinson <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2016 14:24:46 +0100

> On 23 Oct 2016, at 00:26, Paul Hoffman <[email-masked]> wrote:
> 
> Greetings. Someone reading this document for the first time might not understand where the DNS name that is being discussed in the main body of the document was found. It is not until Section 8 ("Out of Band Sources of Domain Name") that this is mentioned, and that feels much too late.
> 
> The document might be much more approachable if Section 8 was moved to immediately after Section 3, and if it was re-titled "Configuration of the Domain Name for Verification

Hi Paul, 

This is a good point. As suggested in my other email I propose including a definition in the Terminology section of ‘authentication domain name’. Here is what I suggest:

* Authentication domain name: A domain name that can be used to authenticate a DNS Privacy enabling server. Sources of authentication domain names are
   discussed in Section * and Section *. 

And then also moving sections 7 and 8 to immediately after section 4. I suggest after section 4 rather than 3 because 4 is currently the ‘Discussion’.  However I’m not averse to splitting the Discussion section up as it is rather large now….

Sara

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From: "Paul Hoffman" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:04:47 -0700

On 26 Oct 2016, at 6:24, Sara Dickinson wrote:

>> understand where the DNS name that is being discussed in the main 
>> body of the document was found. It is not until Section 8 ("Out of 
>> Band Sources of Domain Name") that this is mentioned, and that feels 
>> much too late.
>>
>> The document might be much more approachable if Section 8 was moved 
>> to immediately after Section 3, and if it was re-titled 
>> "Configuration of the Domain Name for Verification
>
> Hi Paul,
>
> This is a good point. As suggested in my other email I propose 
> including a definition in the Terminology section of ‘authentication 
> domain name’. Here is what I suggest:
>
> * Authentication domain name: A domain name that can be used to 
> authenticate a DNS Privacy enabling server. Sources of authentication 
> domain names are
> And then also moving sections 7 and 8 to immediately after section 4. 
> I suggest after section 4 rather than 3 because 4 is currently the 
> ‘Discussion’.  However I’m not averse to splitting the 
> Discussion section up as it is rather large now….

Good point. Maybe moving 7 and 8 to be after 4.1 would make sense ("here 
is how you start, and here are what profiles are"). You could split 
Section 4 up or make it longer; it doesn't really matter as long as you 
don't go beyond three levels of heading there.

--Paul Hoffman