Subject: [hrpc] current draft draft-tenoever-hrpc-research

From: John Curran <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 27 Jun 2016 17:31:34 +0300

> To create a next RG version of the draft-tenoever-hrpc-research ID, it's
> probably good to draft a clear way forward.

In that spirit, I would like to suggest a one-word edit for purposes of clarity 
of scope.

I would suggest adding the word “specific” to the following sentence - 

	"However, by carefully considering the answers to the following questions, document authors should be able to produce a comprehensive analysis that can serve as the basis for discussion on whether the protocol adequately protects against human rights threats.”

as follows -

	"However, by carefully considering the answers to the following questions, document authors should be able to produce a comprehensive analysis that can serve as the basis for discussion on whether the protocol adequately protects against specific human rights threats.”

The reason for this edit is related to the methodology used to produce the
document - while it is excellent at teasing out mapping between human 
rights and technical terms, it was focused on extracting concepts from 
"an extensive list of protocols and standards that potentially enable the 
Internet as a tool for freedom of expression and association”   As a result,
it unclear how much consideration the other human rights that do not 
appear at all in the resulting definitions/vocabulary (such as effective 
remedy) received in this process. 

Rather than belabor the point further, the suggested one-word edit would
appropriately set the readers expectations for the otherwise excellent draft.

Thanks,
/John

Disclaimer: my views alone.