Subject: [ipcdn] Comments on draft-ietf-ipcdn-pktc-signaling-05.txt (part 2)

From: Randy Presuhn <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 3 Aug 2004 11:01:05 -0700 (GMT-07:00)

Hi -

Here are the items that I ran into in
http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-ipcdn-pktc-signaling-05.txt
using http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-rfc-editor-rfc2223bis-08.txt,
that aren't already included in my earlier comments.

1) abbreviations expanded on first use: need to add expansions for:
    IPR
    LCD
    CRCX
    MDCX
    DSP
    SDP
    DOCSIS
    CODEC (also shows up as "codec" and "Codec")
    RTP
    FSK
    MAP
    rg
    rs
    cr
    "Blvd" needs a "."
    "Inc" needs a "."
    "Corp" needs a "."
    PCMU
    PCMA
    FQDN
    MIBMTA
    RSIP
    LCD
    CMS
    RJ

"frequences" should be "frequencies"
"playout" should be "play out" (where it is a verb rather than a noun)
"dBm" also appears as "dbm"

2) two spaces after end of sentence: document needs to be fixed so
that TWO spaces occur after "." at the end of a sentence.
(2223bis 3.1 (7)

3)  Table of contents / order of sections:  the sections of the document
are not in the order specified by 2223bis section 4.

4) Authors' Addresses and IPR Boilerplate (Full Copyright Statement)
sections are supposed to NOT have numbers.

5) On title page, an Author's name should be on a single line, as should
his/her affiliation.  2223bis section 4.1

6) Document is inconsistant in the use of "a"/"an" before acronyms
pronounced beginning with a vowel.  (E.g. "MTA".)  Suggest using
"An" consistently.

7) Document uses both "endpoint" and "Endpoint".  Is a distinction
intended?

8) "the widest range of marketplaces as is possible"  ->
    "the widest possible range of markets"

10) format of references:  
   a) Author lists need a "," before the "and" if
       there are more than two authors.  See the reference sections in 2223 
       bis for examples.
   b) If there is more than one author, an "and" is needed
   c) if there is more than one author, the last author's name is
       written as "F. Lastname" rather than "Lastname, F."

Now to dive into the MIB review guidelines....  :-)

Randy

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