Subject: [Lwip] Review of draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-05

From: Mohit Sethi <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2017 11:00:27 +0200

Dear all

The chair has asked me to do the shepherd write up for 
draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-05.

I have gone through the document again and I have some comments that I 
think should be addressed first. Most of them are minor and editorial in 
nature. It would be great if the authors can fix them quickly (possibly 
by next week?). I will then submit my writeup. Here are the list of issues:

1. The abstract is little hard to read and understand. Here is an 
alternative suggestion:

This document describes the challenges for energy-efficient protocol 
operation on constrained devices and the current practices used to 
overcome those challenges.  It summarizes the main link-layer techniques 
used for energy-efficient networking, and it highlights the impact of 
such techniques on the upper layer protocols so that they can together 
achieve an energy efficient behavior.  The document also provides an 
overview of energy-efficient mechanisms available at each layer of the 
IETF protocol suite specified for constrained node networks.

2. Please check the spacing between the term and its citation. "The IETF 
has developed a suite of Internet protocols suitable for such 
constrained devices, including 6LoWPAN ([RFC6282 
<https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6282>],[RFC6775 
<https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6775>],[RFC4944 
<https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc4944>]), RPL[RFC6550], and 
CoAP[I-D.ietf-core-coap]." For example, RPL[RFC6550] should by 
RPL_space_[RFC6550].

3. Typo in the following text. "This document tries to summarize the 
design considerations of making the IETF contrained protocol suite as 
energy-efficient as possible." First, "contrained" should be 
"constrained". Replace "of" with "for" so the text would be: "summarize 
the design consideration *for* making the IETF constrained....".

4. Perhaps tone down the wording here, especially the word 
"comprehensive": "it provides a comprehensive overview of the techniques 
used by the lower layers to save energy and how these may impact on the 
upper layers"

5. It is generally a good practice to expand all acronyms once before 
you use them in the document. For example in Section 2 "Overview", 
currently RPL is used without ever expanding the term and there is no 
citation.

6. Please explain what are atom operations and common atom operations.

7. What are UWB links? Again an acronym is used with no expansion or 
citation.

8. Section 3.1 "Radio Duty Cycling techniques" typo: "Receiver Initated 
Transmission (RIT)" should be "Receiver Initiated Transmission (RIT)"

9. Section 3.5.2, please expand TDMA, 3.5.3 please expand PAN, CSMA, CA.

10. In section 3.5.3, it says "6TiSCH working group has been recently 
created". Perhaps this is text leftover from old versions. 6TiSCH is no 
longer recently created?

11. Section 6.2, "none of these proposal has been adopted by the CoRE 
working group". This is also old information now. The pub sub draft has 
been adopted. Perhaps you also want to cite the other LWIG document that 
talks about sleepy nodes: 
https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-lwig-crypto-sensors-01

12. Section 7: please replace "synergize" with another term more 
appropriate. "lower layer other than treating the lower layer as a black 
box" should be "lower layer rather than treating the lower layer as a 
black box".

13. Typos in Section 7: "compresss" should be "compress" and 
"non-sychronzed" should be "non-synchronized".

Overall, thanks for the useful draft. I hope that you can quickly 
address the comments so that it can move forward.

--Mohit

---

From: "Carles Gomez Montenegro" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2017 23:37:18 +0100

Dear Mohit,

Thank you very much for shepherding the document and for your helpful review!

As you may have seen, version -06 was just submitted. Hopefully, this
version should address your comments.
https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-06

Please let us know whether any further changes are needed.

Cheers,

Carles

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