Subject: [Rfced-future] LC comments - editorial

From: Eliot Lear <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 23 Oct 2021 23:08:02 +0200

HI Peter,

I think the document reads very well.  Almost all of these are nits.  
There is one issue below that I think may be mroe than a nit.  However, 
nothing I'm writing below should have changed the intent of the group.

In section 1, you capitalize The RFC Editor Model and then later refer 
to the Model.  As we're not using capitalization to call out specific 
definitions, I would use "model" in the latter case. Lower case would be 
more consistent with later references (cf the last sentence in Section 2)..

Section 2:

Wide range of "persons" -> "people".

See https://www.grammarly.com/blog/persons-people-peoples/.

Same in 4th paragraph of Section 3.1.1.

Below:

> This model is designed to ensure public processes and definition
>     documents,
This phrase doesn't parse for me.  What are  "definition documents"?  do 
you mean just "documents"?

Section 3.2.2

 > 2. If following procedures for rough consensus the chairs determine

I think this should be

 > 2. If *in* following procedures for rough consensus the chairs determine

Below 3:

 > (not be left until the RSAB review period)

Remove the parens and preface the word *and*.

(Generally I hate parens.)

Section 4.1:

 >The RPC shall report regularly

should be

 > The RPC shall provide reports regularly

Section 4.4:

 > The following points are intended to provide more particular guidance.

How about:

 > In particular:

Section 5.1:

We oughtn't leave a reference to an IAB Github site there, as it is:

(https://github.com/intarchboard/  <https://github.com/intarchboard/program-rfced-future/blob/master/Issue12-RSE-role.md>
    program-rfced-future/blob/master/Issue12-RSE-role.md  <https://github.com/intarchboard/program-rfced-future/blob/master/Issue12-RSE-role.md>)

Either incorporate the text, or it should be posted into LLC controlled 
space.  Personally I don't think that text is needed at all, because 
it's well covered by the bullets above.

That's it.  Thanks!

Eliot