Subject: Re: I-D ACTION:draft-ietf-secsh-gsskeyex-06.txt

From: "David M. Williams" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 10:25:48 -0600

Jeff,
    Can you also send me the .dtd for the XML?  Since Bill seems in 
quite a hurry I thought I'd start now with comments and edits inline to 
my email.  First some notes on my feedback.  I will get as many of these 
edits as possible to you today.

Editing Notes (based on RFC2223 and RFC2360):
General Notes:

    1. There is no intended audience section (RFC2223).
    2. No references are given for any of the GSSAPI calls or messages, 
in any section.
    3. The use of "section" is not capitalized consistently when used as
    part of a reference.
    4. All acronyms/abbreviations must be written out fully and 
parenthetically
    referenced at their first occurance.
    5. There should be two blank spaces between sentences.

Title:
    1. GSSAPI acronym must be written out fully.  In my edit I expand 
GSS leaving out
    API.

Table of Contents (TOC):

    1. I think that we should have one.  The document length falls in 
the optional range,
    15-20.

Abstract (see RFC2223 sect. 4.5):

    1. Must not contain references.
    2. Should not be longer than 20 lines.
    3. Should be much less detailed.

Introduction:

    1. Introduction is inappropriately detailed and specific.
    2. Should be much longer and more general in scope.

Change log:

    1. Is not conformant to recommendations in either RFC2223 or
    RFC2360.

References:

    1. Normative References 6-9, must be listed as Non-normative as 
these RFC's will
    not have  been approved by the IETF at the time of this draft's 
submission.
    2. I believe that 12-14 need to be Informative.  Please correct me 
if I am wrong.

These are the notes I have already and as soon as you can get me the 
.dtd you'll get my diff with most of these changes.  I can provide exact 
references for my notes if anyone cares for clarification.

Dave

Jeffrey Hutzelman wrote:

>On Wed, 16 Jul 2003, David M. Williams wrote:
>
>  
>
>>    Can you please email me a copy.  I don't have afs on ony of my
>>boxen.  Most of my edits are gramatical and structural in nature so I'll
>>be changing things a bit but not really touching the actual technical
>>aspects of the draft.
>>    
>>
>
>Sure; it's attached.  Feel free to send me some patches.
>  
>

---

From: Jeffrey Hutzelman <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 20:24:42 +0200 (CEST)

> edits as possible to you today.

The DTD and the (tcl) code to turn it into an internet-draft are available
from the IETF web site.  I didn't write them; they're the result of some
work that Marshall Rose did.

>     1. I think that we should have one.  The document length falls in

Yeah; unfortunately, the code which translates the XML isn't flexible
enough to generate one, which means I'd have to do it by hand, and
repaginate by hand.  Which sort of defeats the point of not just editing
it as text to begin with.

>     1. Is not conformant to recommendations in either RFC2223 or

I don't see anything in ID-nits, RFC2223, or RFC2360 that says I shouldn't
keep a change log between versions of an I-D, or that says what form it
should take.  Note that the section will be removed prior to publication
as an RFC.

>     not have  been approved by the IETF at the time of this draft's

Incorrect.  The references are normative; that is, they materially affect
the meaning of the document and are required in order to implement it
correctly.  This property does not magically disappear just because the
documents in question haven't been approved yet.  This document can't
proceed faster than the core documents, and appropriate RFC references
will be filled in once they are resolved.

>     2. I believe that 12-14 need to be Informative.  Please correct me

References 12-14 are indeed listed as non-normative references.

> references for my notes if anyone cares for clarification.

Thanks for the notes.  Diffs aren't actually required; I'll probably make
the relevant edits during my trip home, along with some other changes that
have been discussed on the list.

-- Jeffrey T. Hutzelman (N3NHS) <[email-masked]>
   Sr. Research Systems Programmer
   School of Computer Science - Research Computing Facility
   Carnegie Mellon University - Pittsburgh, PA

---

From: Bill Sommerfeld <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 14:57:27 -0400

> work that Marshall Rose did.

If Jeff is using the tool/dtd I'm thinking of, see
http://xml.resource.org/ for the toolset and backing databases.

						- Bill