Subject: I occasionally come back to this issue that there are likely dozens of people I've ignored or who have ignored me when we might otherwise have become good friends.

From: Rutledge <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2007 22:52:21 -0700

Word Is Out, Big News Monday!

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Monday!

I feel myself being overly careful that I am not clinging.

I feel myself being overly careful that I am not clinging.
We wandered, deciding whether a group of teenagers should be properly
called a slock or a slunt of sluts. There is an urge to just give a
hearty "sod off! Emily said that is it like my book, that Orien Rose was
supposed to have died and somehow bucked her fate. A girl named
Christine joining me in my wine wafting. This is the last time we will
watch American TV together, this is the last video game, this is the
last trip to the mall. I want to love them from a distance, because I
know I cannot love them up close.
Her exodus from this hemisphere is days away and I want to spend every
free second of it in her arms, even if those arms are also thrown around
others who are suffering in ways I cannot imagine. It's not a deep
examination into the serious problem of morbid obesity, nor an
examination into the psychological problems that obesity causes. -
assuming correctly that I would not drink it.

If I were Xen I'd move to Kansas and run for the school board; I'd fit
right in.
Zack hushes me, pointing out that Fred Sandback's widow was displaying
her work tonight and telling his friend that I am the loudest person he
knows. I want to smell them because that makes them more real to me.

If ever she was home, it was not in Anemia.

But you chose to ignore Xen's qualification of the article and instead
attacked him based on his opinion of an admittedly select group of
people.

It seems a small sacrifice to feel like I live the life I envision. She
is also spiritual.
He was a human being in so much pain, trapped in a situation he felt he
could only control at the end of a twisted bed sheet.

Emily is right when she says I either like someone utterly and instantly
or never. Whether justified or no, I felt slightly abandoned. I may move
on, but I would never stop mourning the galaxies of interactions and
intimacies that would never be fulfilled. Their clan gathered quickly
and did rituals to help Orien Rose, since they were too far away to
drive and offer sympathy and support in person that night.
Likewise, after walking with Christine and Hanna, I returned to the show
and he greeted me with a derisive, "You're still here? While she can
breathe on her own at present, she is hooked up to a machine that will
fill in for her lungs should she decide to take a break from
respiration. She mentions that she is going to Vassar over the summer
and I mention that I am going to be teaching there. Instead, for spite,
I sniffed at it. I want to smell them because that makes them more real
to me. I repent that I was ever the person that unconsciously dissuaded
her from actually knowing me.
It was therefore my presumption that the cow should be a sort of
leitmotif throughout her work or should at least make a cameo in the
background. The details come slowly and I check the phone every few
minutes, interspersed with telling the boys in my dorm to just quietly
watch TV and not bother me.

A girl named Christine joining me in my wine wafting. I know that I have
connections, but I bond so infrequently with so few and want each
connection to mean as much as it does to me. We have not met in person
and will not for a while, but I feel a spark of genuine connection
between us. It seems a small sacrifice to feel like I live the life I
envision. It's not a deep examination into the serious problem of morbid
obesity, nor an examination into the psychological problems that obesity
causes.
She had said, "Remember me? Had I just snapped one, I imagine they would
not have felt the need to immediately drain all my battery power so than
my camera dies with the lens still exposed. She has been giddy,
terrified, parental, terrifying, authoritarian, utterly punch drunk.
He who is outside the door has already got a good part of his journey
behind him. Their clan gathered quickly and did rituals to help Orien
Rose, since they were too far away to drive and offer sympathy and
support in person that night.

Reading what she writes in her blog, I find her achingly sweet and witty.