Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-tsvwg-addip-sctp-20.txt

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 17 May 2007 09:23:50 +0200

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-tsvwg-addip-sctp-20.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2007-05-16
IETF LC End Date: 2007-05-18
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Almost Ready

Comments: I have only one major comment: the abstract doesn't reach the
requirements for abstracts, in particular it is too short. I have no
strong idea about what to add, perhaps a statement about what the document
provides or about its goals...

Some minor points (which should be handled by the RFC editor if you don't
publish a new version):

 - 3 page 5: 2*32 - 1 -> 2**32 - 1
   (IMHO the right notation is with a "**" and spaces around the "-")

 - 4 page 5: and, seven -> and seven ?

 - 4.1.1 page 7: message i.e. -> message, i.e.,

 - 4.2 page 8: Table 2, 3 and 4 -> Tables 2, 3 and 4 ?

 - 4.2.3 page 11: Error Cause(s) or Return Info on Success -> Error Cause(s) ?

 - 4.2.4 page 12:
   "The Set Primary IP Address parameter may appear in the ASCONF Chunk,
    the INIT, or the INIT-ACK chunk type."                 remove ^^^^^
   
 - 4.3 page 15: illegal ASCONF-ACK -> illegal ASCONF-ACK.

 - 4.3.4 page 18: 2^^31-1 -> 2**31 - 1

 - 5.1.1 page 21 C5: "a minimal path MTU.  The minimum PMTU"
   choose between minimal and minimum and use "path MTU" in place of PMTU

 - 5.2 page 22: (i.e. -> (i.e.,

 - 5.2 page 22: insert a blank line before E1

 - 5.2 page 23: insert a blank line before E2 and V3

 - 5.2 page 24 V4: e.g. -> e.g.,

 - 5.2 page 24 E7: PMTU -> path MTU

 - 5.3 page 24 F0: 2^^31-1 -> 2**31 - 1

 - 5.3 page 25 F1:
     "The receiver of the add IP address request may use the
      address as a destination immediately.  The receiver MUST use the
      path verification procedure for the added address before using
      that address."
    This is a bit confusing...

 - 5.3.1 page 28: rule D4 -> rule F4

 - 5.4 page 29: (i.e. -> (i.e.,

 - 5.5 page 30: other i.e. -> other, i.e.,

 - 5.5 page 30: Each new ASCONFs lookup -> Each new ASCONF lookup

 - 6 page 30: modfiy -> modify

Regards

[email-masked]

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