Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-roll-mpl-parameter-configuration-04

From: "Peter Yee" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:15:46 -0700

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you
may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-roll-mpl-parameter-configuration-04
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Jun-25-2015
IETF LC End Date: Jun-30-2015
IESG Telechat date: Jul-09-2015

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as an Internet
Standard, but has nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with
nits.]  (I'm discounting the severity of the minor issue mentioned below.)

This draft describes a DHCPv6 option used to request MPL configuration
parameter sets.

Major Issues:  None.

Minor Issues: 

Some of the parameters are described with their bit lengths, others are not.
Lengths are listed haphazardly.  Be consistent in either including them or
not.  Timer lengths are listed as n-bit integers, but this may be confusing
given that the document says "Short floating point format is used to
describe the wide range of timer values".  So, are the timer values floating
point or integer?  Is the combined implication supposed to be that the
numbers are formatted as floating point (for greater range), but only take
on integer values?  Given that the values in this document are all given in
reference to division by the value of TUNIT, it's possible that values might
not be integers.  If that happens and only integers are desired, is rounding
or truncation preferred?  Also note that Appendix A indicates that "short
unsigned floating point" was dropped.  It's not completely clear if that
means that "short [signed?] floating point" was adopted in its stead or
whether actual short integers were preferred.

Nits:

-General:

Append a comma after "e.g.".

Change things like "8 bit integer" to "8-bit integer" and do similarly for
"16 bit integer".

-Specific: 

Page 1, Abstract, 1st sentence: change "of" to "for".  Insert "a" before
"DHCPv6".

Page 1, Abstract, last sentence: change the last "parameter" to
"parameters".

Page 2, section 1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "low power" to
"low-power".  Change "lossy network" to "lossy networks,".  (Note the
trailing comma after "networks".)

Page 2, section 1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change "parameter" to
"parameters".  Change "controls" to "control".  Insert "the" before
"trade-off".

Page 2, section 1, 1st paragraph, 6th sentence: insert "the" before "same".
Replace the period at the end of the sentence with a comma.

Page 2, section 1, 1st paragraph, 7th sentence: change "And" to "but" to
join this sentence with the previous one.

Page 2, section 1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the first "set" to
"sets".

Page 2, section 1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: change "are" to "is".

Page 2, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "is to define" to
"defines".

Page 2, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "guideline [RFC7227]"
to "[RFC7227] guidelines".

Page 3, section 2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before
"following".

Page 3, section 2, last paragraph, last sentence: change "from" to "by".

Page 3, section 2.1, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change "floating point"
to "floating-point".  However, see discussion in Minor Issues regarding the
actual format and meaning of these numbers.

Page 4, "option_len" and "P" definitions: add a period to the end of each.

Page 5, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MPL".
Delete the first "RFC3315".  Add a comma after "18.1.5".

Page 5, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before the
first "Option".

Page 5, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MPL".
Clarify whether the "Unsigned Short Floating Point" discussion should be
present here given the note in Appendix A and my discussion in Minor Issues.

Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before the
first "MPL".

Page 5, section 2.3, 2nd paragraph: consider changing "Configuration" to
"Configurations".  Change "for" to "to".  Change the period to a colon.

Page 5, section 2.3, 1st and 2nd bullet items: change "optlen" to
"option_len".

Page 6, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change "a" to "an" before "MPL".

Page 6, section 2.3, 2nd paragraph: delete "from".

Page 6, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "parameter" to
"parameters".

Page 6, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change "forwarders" to
"forwarder".

Page 6, section 2.3, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "periodical" to
"periodic".  Append a comma after "traffic".  Insert "a" before "very".

Page 6, section 2.3, 4th paragraph, last sentence: change "message" to
"messages".

Page 6, section 2.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the first
"RFC3315".

Page 6, section 2.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "MPL"
in both places in the sentence.  Append "it was" after "if".  Change "value"
to "values".  

Page 6, section 2.4, 2nd paragraph: insert "an" before "incoming".

Page 6, section 2.6, 1st paragraph: change "two times of" to "twice the".
Question: does this restriction apply even when the client is using a "very
long interval between updates"?

Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "an" before the
first "MPL".  Insert "the" before the second "MPL".  Capitalize
"configuration".  Change "for two times" to "within twice the".  Change
"time" to "interval".  Insert "the" before the fourth "MPL".

Page 7, section 4, 2nd sentence: insert "DM_" directly before "K" and
"IMIN".

Page 7, section 4, last sentence: insert "The" at the beginning of the
sentence.  Change "authentications" to "authentication".

Page 7, Normative References: update the reference for
"draft-ietf-roll-trickle-mcast-11" to "draft-ietf-roll-trickle-mcast-12"
(June 2015).

Page 8, Appendix B, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change "set" to "sets".

Page 8, Appendix B, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: append "set" after
"parameter".

Page 8, Appendix B, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "it" to "this
situation".  Consider changing "shall work" to either "should work" or
"works" or "will work".  Change both occurrences of "set" to "sets".

Page 8, Appendix B, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before
"motivations".  Consider changing "are" to "include".  Change "on" to "of
the".  Insert "the" before "expected".

---

From: "Peter Yee" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2015 16:18:32 -0700

I suppose I should really phrase that as "a Standards Track RFC".  It's not
old enough to jump directly to "Internet Standard". ;-)

		-Peter

-----Original Message-----
From: Gen-art [mailto:[email-masked]] On Behalf Of Peter Yee
Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2015 4:16 PM
To: [email-masked]
Cc: [email-masked]; [email-masked]
Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review for
draft-ietf-roll-mpl-parameter-configuration-04