Subject: secdir review of draft-garcia-simple-presence-dictionary-06

From: Barry Leiba <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 2007 12:57:01 -0400

I have reviewed this document as part of the security directorate's ongoing
effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG.  These comments
were written primarily for the benefit of the security area directors.  Document
editors and WG chairs should treat these comments just like any other last call
comments.

I have no issues with this document's content nor with its security 
considerations -- it all seems fine.

A couple of editorial nits, though, while I'm here:

Introduction, paragraph 2: "Typically, presence documents can contain large bulks 
of data."  That sounds awkward.  Either "large chunks of data" (if you mean 
discrete "bulks") or "a large amount of data" (if you just mean that there's a 
lot there) is better.

At the top of page 6, "it is typically prepended by the '<' and '>' signs, such 
as in '<foo>'."  That should be "surrounded by".

Throughout, all instances of "is comprised of" should be either "comprises" or 
"is composed of".  The word "comprises" means "is composed of", and that's the 
correct usage (though it's a *very* common error, even among most native English 
speakers).

Barry

--
Barry Leiba, STSM, Internet Messaging Technology  ([email-masked])
http://www.research.ibm.com/people/l/leiba
http://www.research.ibm.com/spam

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