Subject: Genart telechat review of draft-ietf-anima-autonomic-control-plane-16

From: Elwyn Davies <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2018 17:05:47 -0700

Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Ready with Nits

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Document: draft-ietf-anima-autonomic-control-plane-16
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2018-07-31
IETF LC End Date: 2018-02-26
IESG Telechat date: 2018-08-02

Summary:
This document is ready but has a fair number of nits still to fix, particularly
in the earlier part of the document.  There are also some language issues to
address which the RFC Editor will deal with. My issues from the Last Call
review have been addressed.

Major issues:
None

Minor issues:
None

Nits/editorial comments:
General: There are three remaining examples of "intent" rather than "Intent".

General: There are five instances of the construction -> "quoted text" () in
s2. Need to remove -> and () in each case.  This may be down to tool problems -
there is a comment in the revisions list.

S1, para 5: s/The ACP is designed to remains/The ACP is designed to remain/

s1, para 5: s/The details how this achieved are defined in Section 6./The
details of how this achieved are described in Section 6./

s1, bullet point #1: s/supports directly/directly supports/

s1, bullet point #3: s/network/(Data-Plane) network/
S1, last para: s/Defined Networking (SDN) (see [RFC7426]), style
automation/Defined Networking- (SDN-)style (see [RFC7426]) automation/

S1.1, para 2: Operational Technology is a term that is not very well-known - a
reference would help.  Unfortunately it seems that the text of ISA99 that
defines the term is not freely available. Suggestions of a freely available
alternative?

s1.1, para 3: Although RPL is in the glossary in s2, this instance occurs
before s2 is announced, so it would be worth adding RPL (Routing Protocol for
Low-power and Lossy Networks - RFC6550)

s2, "ACP address": s/the ->"ACP domain certificate" ()./the "ACP domain
certificate".

S2, "ACP Domain":  'of nodes with ->"ACP domain' . Remove "->" and ()?

s2. "ACP Loopback interface": Need to expand VRF on first use.

s2, "ACP secure channel": As wrtten this equates a security association with a
secure channel.  Suggest: NEW: ACP secure channel: A sequence of links
established hop-by-hop between adjacent ACP nodes with a security association
established for each link using the ACP secure channel protocol and the ACP
Domain Certificate.  The channel is used to carry traffic of the ACP VRF
separated from Data-Plane traffic in-band over the same links as the
Data-Plane. ENDS

s2, "Data-Plane": s/non-autonomic/by means other than autonomically/

s2, "GRASP": s/required/REQUIRED/

s2, "in-band (management)": fix up two instances of -> ... ().

s2, "Node-ID": s/bit/bits/; Due to a missing XML introducer, the reference to
s6.10.5 hasn't been translated.

s2, "(virtual) out-of-band network": fix up one instance of -> ... (); s/where
historically/were historically/; In next to last sentence s/out of
band/out-of-band/

s2, "ULA": s/are the first 48 bit/is the first 48 bits/

s2, "(ACP) Zone": s/protocols details/protocol's details/

s3.1: s/This way/In this way/; possibly s/other processes/single instamces of
other processes/???

s3.2, last para: s/like/such as/  [like: Yuck!]

s3.3, para 1: s/managment/management/

s3.3, first bullet: s/out of Band/out-of-Band/

s4, ACP2: The phrase "(can block easily at edge)" needs additional explanation.

s4, ACP4: s/generic.  Usable/generic,  that is it MUST/

s4, last para: Need to expand eACP.

s5, 2nd 'Note' bullet: s/auto discovery/auto-discovery/

s5, lata para: s/This way/In this way/

s6.1, para 4: Trailing colon s/b period.

s6.1.1, last para on page 20: s/":" are not/The character ":" is not/

s6.1.1, last but 2 para: s/information element it,/information
element,/(probably)

s6.1.2. next to last bullet: s/peers certificate/peer's certificate/; s/peers
domain/peer's domain/

s6.1.3.1, last para: Expand ttl on first use.

s6.1.3.5, para 4: s/ACP nodes domain certificate/ACP node's domain
certificate/; s/nodes ACP/node's ACP/

s6.3, para 2: s/State Less/Stateless/

s6.11.1.1, para 1: s/reliable network reasonably fast/reliable network with
reasonably fast/

s6.12: s/hop by hop/hop-by-hop/

s8.2.1, bullets 2 and 3: s/vrf/VRF/