Subject: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-mpls-egress-protection-framework-05

From: Peter Yee via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 20 Jun 2019 21:50:18 -0700

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document: draft-ietf-mpls-egress-protection-framework-05
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2019-06-20
IETF LC End Date: 2019-06-17
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: Ready with Nits.  I didn't really find any substantial issues with the
document, although I admit this one is quite out of my area of expertise.  I'm
reduced to making sure it sounds logical (it does) and trying to reduce the
(future) burden on the RFC Editor.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Nits/editorial comments:

General:

For each occurrence of "e.g." and "i.e.", make sure that it is followed by a
comma and a single space.  There are some occurrences of double spaces and
pretty much no commas.

Change "aka." to "aka" or to "a.k.a."

Specific:

Page 1, Abstract, 3rd sentence: change "context based" to "context-based".

Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "repair based" to
"repair-based".  Insert "and" before "[RFC7812]" or put the sequence of
references inside of parentheses.

Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the comma and "i.e."
after "PLR".  Put "point of local repair" in brackets.  Delete the comma and
"i.e." after "MP" and place "merge point" inside brackets.

Page 7, section 4, 1st bullet item: append a comma after the first occurrence
of "MP2P".

Page 7, section 4, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert "on a" before
"per-service-destination".

Page 9, 1st bullet item: change "Or" to "or".

Page 10, 1st partial paragraph, last sentence: change "It" to "it".

Page 10, section 5.4, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete extraneous space
between "{E, P1}" and the following comma.

Page 11, section 5.7 title: change "context based" to "context-based".

Page 14, item 3, 4th sentence: change "any-cast" to "anycast".

Page 14, item 3, last sentence: I can't parse the end of that sentence.  Do you
want one or the other of "to" and "in", or is there a word or words missing in
there?

Page 15, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append "of" after "AS'".  And I'll just
say that that's a very labored construction to avoid using "ASs" or "AS's" in
the sentence.  It took be a while to parse what was meant.

Page 16, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "PLR".

Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change the first occurrence of "in" to
"if".

Page 19, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change "Figure-3" to "Figure
3" to match the figure's actual labeling.

Page 21, section 8, 1st sentence: append a comma after "far".

Page 25, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "of" before "trust".

---

From: Yimin Shen <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2019 12:48:49 +0000

Hi Peter,

Thanks very much for your detailed review for this draft! We will fix these issues in the next version.

Thanks,

-- Yimin Shen

On 6/21/19, 12:50 AM, "Peter Yee via Datatracker" <[email-masked]> wrote:

    Reviewer: Peter Yee

    
    <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__trac.ietf.org_trac_gen_wiki_GenArtfaq&d=DwICaQ&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=2-nT7xvtgxYac4wpYxwo_jh5rZM2uwTLxgRhaObwYug&m=61TkOv7C_RPT7dnqd0XVzhHp5Z3upqOSAqO5uQS1Pd8&s=L5X3khIidqv94LrBgsAHkZ66kkCliEdYqP0bbir_w-w&e= >.

    
    Major issues:
    
    Minor issues:
    
    Nits/editorial comments:
    
    General:

    
    Specific: