Subject: [Lwip] Genart telechat review of draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-08

From: Peter Yee <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 09 Dec 2017 23:47:36 -0800

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Issues

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Document: draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-08
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2017-12-09
IETF LC End Date: None
IESG Telechat date: 2018-01-11

Summary: This Informational Track specification discusses aspects of network
protocol design that can negatively affect energy consumption of constrained
nodes.  It's generally informative, although it doesn't provide much specific
guidance on how its recommendations can be accomplished.  Ready with Issues.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Page 8, section 3.6.1, section title: this whole section refers to IEEE 802.11,
but there is no reference to primary specification given.  Furthermore, a
specific version of IEEE 802.11 should be cited.  The current version is IEEE
802.11-2016.  Reference to IEEE 802.11v is made further down in this section,
but in fact IEEE 802.11v was incorporated and subsumed into IEEE 802.11-2012
and need not be separately cited any longer.  IEEE considers IEEE 802.11v to be
a superseded standard.

Page 9, 6th paragraph: this paragraph should be expanded and clarified.  It
makes the implied assumption that the protocol is operating on a constrained
node, but there are (generally) two sides to a protocol.  The remote side may
not be aware of the constrained nature of the device with which it is
communicating.  And in fact, it may be communicating with a mix of constrained
and unconstrained devices, so without some form of signaling, it will not
necessarily know to synchronize with parameters that are complementary to the
needs of the constrained device.  While I understand what the paragraph is
saying, it gives the topic short shrift.

Nits/editorial comments:

General:

Append a comma after occurrences of i.e. and e.g.

Specific:

Page 1, Abstract, 2nd sentence: delete the comma.

Page 3, 2nd full paragraph, 1st sentence: insert a space before each of
"[RFC6775]" and "[RFC4944]".

Page 3, section 1.1: insert "and" between "[RFC7228]" and
"[I-D.bormann-lwig-7228bis]".

Page 8, section 3.4, 3rd sentence: the sentence refers to "the next
subsection", but in fact that should be a point to subsection 3.6.  Either
re-order subsections 3.4 and 3.5 to make the reference correct or change to an
explicit "subsection 3.6".

Page 8, section 3.6.1, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: change "the latter" to "it".

Page 9, 5th paragraph: change "client initiated" to "client-initiated".  Change
"network assisted" to "network-assisted".  Change "Idel" to "Idle".  Change
both occurrences of "save" to "saving".

Page 9, section 3.6.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the second "IPv6".

Page 10, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "since" to "from".

Page 10, section 3.6.3, last sentence: chance "functionalites" to
"functionalities".

Page 13, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after "At the MAC level".

Page 13, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "a" before "paging".

Page 13, 1st paragraph, 9th sentence: change "check" to "checking".

Page 13, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "dummybearer" to "dummy bearer".

Page 13, 2nd paragraph, 7th sentence: insert "a" before "longer".  Change "a"
before "energy" to "an".

Page 14, section 4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "energy-efficient" to
"energy efficient".

Page 14, section 4, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "then" to "the" before
"6LoWPAN".

Page 15, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change "alternative" to
"alternatively".

Page 15, section 5, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "energy-friendly" to
"energy friendly".

Page 15, section 5, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "allows to provide"
with "provides".

Page 17, section 6.4, 1st sentence: substitute "encodes" for "allows to encode".

Page 18, section 9, 2nd paragraph: insert "The" before "Authors" and make
"Authors" lowercase.

Page 18, section 9, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "IESG". 
Change "IETF87" to "IETF 87".

Page 18, section 9, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change "Jaeglli" to "Jaeggli".

Page 19, section 11: change "the energy efficient" to "energy-efficient".

Page 19, IEEE80211v reference: drop the period after "Management".