Subject: [Rats] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-rats-yang-tpm-charra-16: (with COMMENT)

From: Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2022 02:25:44 -0800

Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-rats-yang-tpm-charra-16: No Objection

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----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

The document has 8 authors, which exceeds the recommended author limit. I
assume the sponsoring AD has agreed that this is appropriate?

DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to [netequip-boot-log].
[netequip-boot-log] seems to be a Linux kernel README, which I have
a hard time accepting as a non-IETF standards document.

DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to [yang-parameters]. This could become
and informational reference, since the defining RFC6020 is normatively cited.

DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to [xml-registry]. This could become
and informational reference, since the defining RFC3688 is normatively cited.

Thanks to Roni Even for their General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/LVJgDXJ4Bwr2DuJ2ytGxONSTSQ8).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

Document still refers to the "Simplified BSD License", which was corrected in
the TLP on September 21, 2021. It should instead refer to the "Revised BSD
License".

"RATS ", paragraph 1, nit:
> cument defines YANG RPCs and a small number of configuration nodes required
>                              ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Specify a number, remove phrase, use "a few", or use "some".

Section 2. , paragraph 2, nit:
> tion 2.1.2.3 with prefix 'taa'. Additionally references are made to [RFC8032
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Additionally".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 19, nit:
> n Quotes returned from the TPM. Additionally if more bytes are sent, the non
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Additionally".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 34, nit:
> By comparing this information to the what has previously been validated, it
>                                  ^^^^^^^^
Did you mean "what"?

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 35, nit:
> an unsigned PCR value is actually that that within a quote. If there is a dif
>                                   ^^^^^^^^^
Possible typo: you repeated a word.

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 36, nit:
> ing ima-event { description "Defines an hash log extend event for IMA measur
>                                      ^^
Use "a" instead of "an" if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound,
e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 43, nit:
> type binary; description "Content of an log event which matches 1:1 with a u
>                                      ^^
Use "a" instead of "an" if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound,
e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 43, nit:
> ned within the log. Log entries subsequent to this will be passed to the requ
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Consider using "after".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 43, nit:
> e beginning of the log. Entries subsequent to this will be passed to the requ
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Consider using "after".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 43, nit:
> extraction. The next log entry subsequent to this timestamp is to be sent.";
>                                ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Consider using "after".

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 44, nit:
> ue 0; description "The TPM currently is currently running normally and is re
>                            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Adverb repetition.

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 48, nit:
> escription "This module defines a identities for asymmetric algorithms. Copy
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^
The plural noun "identities" cannot be used with the article "a". Did you mean
"a identity" or "identities"?

Section 2.1.1.5. , paragraph 50, nit:
> ficient cryptographic protection. However it is still useful for hash algori
>                                   ^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "However".

Section 2.1.2.3. , paragraph 5, nit:
> ietf-tpm-remote-attestation.yang. However the full definition of Table 3 of
>                                   ^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "However".

Section 2.1.2.3. , paragraph 13, nit:
> as 'rw', it is system generated. Therefore it should not be possible for an
>                                  ^^^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

Section 2.1.2.3. , paragraph 18, nit:
> ulnerabilities on those systems. Therefore RPCs should be protected by NACM
>                                  ^^^^^^^^^
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS:
 *
 http://trustedcomputinggroup.org/resource/tcg-algorithm-registry/TCG-_Algorithm_Registry_r1p32_pub

---

From: "Eric Voit (evoit)" <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2022 18:50:45 +0000

Hi Lars,

Thanks for the "no objection".   All the request nit tweaks are incorporated 
into the Github version except for two.

(1) We are seeing if we can get a better reference to "netequip-boot-log".  If 
yes, that will certainly go in.

(2) "Simplified BSD License" is being generated as a result of a kramdown-rfc 
boilerplate macro.   I will see if our tooling can be updated.

Eric

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
> Sent: Monday, March 7, 2022 5:26 AM
> To: The IESG <[email-masked]>
> Cc: [email-masked]; [email-masked];
> [email-masked]; Nancy Cam-Winget (ncamwing) <[email-masked]>;
> [email-masked]
> Subject: Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-rats-yang-tpm-charra-16: 
> (with
> COMMENT)
>
> When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all email
> addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this 
> introductory
> paragraph, however.)
>
>

Done

> and informational reference, since the defining RFC3688 is normatively 

Done

> art/LVJgDXJ4Bwr2DuJ2ytGxONSTSQ8).

This is based on a hackmd tooling pull.

> Specify a number, remove phrase, use "a few", or use "some".

Now "a few".

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Additionally".

Added comma

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Additionally".

Fixed text

> > By comparing this information to the what has previously been validated, 

Removed 'the'

> Possible typo: you repeated a word.

The text no longer stutters.

> e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

Fixed

> Consider using "after".

Updated

> Consider using "after".

Updated

> Consider using "after".

Updated

> Adverb repetition.

Fixed

> "a identity" or "identities"?

Removed "a"

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "However".

Comma added

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "However".

Added

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

Added

> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

Added

> _Algorithm_Registry_r1p32_pub

Fixed