Subject: [Sipping] Internet Draft on ETSI TISPAN requirements for simulation services defined within EITSI TISPAN

From: "Dale Worley" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 10:25:56 -0400

> From: Jesske, R [[email-masked]]
>
> Dear all,
> I would like to draw you attention to the following draft that is now
available.
http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-jesske-sipping-tispan-requirements
-00.txt

Dear Herr Jesske,

I don't wish to sound like a curmugeon about a document which has clearly
been worked on by a number of good people, but I think that version 00 needs
some editing.  It reads as if it was written by telecom people for telecom
people, and unfortunately, it would be difficult for Internet people to read
without a considerable effort.

For example, consider the *first two sentences* of the Overview:  "ETSI
TISPAN is defining the release 1 of the TISPAN NGN.  Generally the TISPAN
NGN bases on the 3GPP IMS Release 7 provided by 3GPP in 2005."  It contains
no less than 5 acronyms  I am unfamiliar with:  ETSI, TISPAN, NGN, 3GPP,
IMS.  This is sub-optimal for a paragraph which is intended to *introduce*
the subject of the I-D.

Given the aggressive schedule, I would suggest that you engage the
assistance of someone who has been heavily involved in SIP (but not
telephony) to ensure that your document is clear from the point of view of
the SIP community.

As a technical advance, this I-D is very exciting, because it appears to be
constructing the means to make SIP interwork (almost) seamlessly with PSTN
advanced call control features.  It would be a shame if it was not
incorporated into the SIP world because it was not explained will to the SIP
community.

Best regards,

Dale

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