Subject: [XCON] AD review: draft-ietf-xcon-examples-06

From: Robert Sparks <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2010 11:02:38 -0500

Summary: There are a few issues to address before moving this document
         to IETF Last Call

* This document is not as easy to read as the ccmp and data model
  documents. I suggest an additional editorial pass focusing on
  tightening the prose.

* Section 4 (Working with CCMP) states the document has "recommendations
  from an implementation point of view". I'm not finding those. Could
  they be called out in a separate "Advice to Implementers" section, or
  did they all move to the CCMP document already (in which case, the above
  statement should be removed)?

* The end of 4.1 talks about a "placeholder wildcard". It should explicitly
  mention AUTO_GENERATE_X and point to the definition of the mechanism in
  the CCMP document. 

* The end of section 4.3 moves into the realm of speculation, particularly
  around Figure 3. This needs to be more clearly labeled as speculation, and
  not recommendation or specification. The section is motivating different
  standards work rather than showing examples of implementing what's already
  been specified. I strongly suggest removing it from the draft and 
  re-introducing one or more concrete proposals separately, calling out
  at most in this draft that other mechanisms are possible and are the
  subject of future standardization discussions.

* Figure 5 is redundant with Figure 4 - all of the anchors for the
  annotations are already in Figure 4. I suggest deleting Figure 5.

* Why doesn't the example in section 6.2 use the mute control?
  If that's inappropriate, it would be good to add text to this
  section explaining why. If it is a valid alternative, please call
  that out.

* Section 6.5 calls out a situation as a "(first-party join)". Where
  is this phrase defined?

* Can Section 7.2 better motivate why a sidebar is being used here instead
  of a separate new conference?